Investment Advice: Go Heavy On Oral

We, and by that I mean us Lords, are very concious of personal portfolios. Every day we check the markets, commodities, interest rates, and stay aware of the impending fuck ups the FED is going to make so we know when to jump ship. We seek only the finest in financial advice...

Old Dirty and I talked just today over lunch at Sparkle Burger (the best burger in Houston - no really - at Dowling and Leeland across from the most awesome taco joint, Brother's). He looked me in the eye and grunted mostly but managed to point out that, in addition to treasury bonds which are pretty safe and sound, the other chicken shit investment that is flying off the shelf is gold. That's right. Bling. And H-town is ripe with many a blinging cowboy and cowgirl of all shapes and sizes. Gold, however, comes with its issues. Primarily, where do you keep it? The answer can be seen in these urbanites head shots:




On your grill of course. What better way to display your investment sensibility and prowess than to smatter your chops with it? How often does your mouth get robbed? And best of all there is an infinite variety of oral wardrobe investment vehicles.


(classic gold and ice; also in silver; ice lovers)


(fetish lovers; just for kids)

As you can see it won't take you long to find the grill that's right for you. So what are you waiting on? There are many, many individuals who are way ahead of the curve on this one and are reaping the benefits of their investments today. Ask anyone of these people what they think is their best investment to date and what do you think they'll say?


Paul Wall, Flava Flav, & Chingo Bling

I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. And these guys have already seen there gold and diamond encrusted fronts double or triple in value (Flav bought his in '88 yo). Hell, even Fluffy is gettin' in on the investment tip.



All we ask is that when your friends are admiring your new smile tell them where you got you the idea.