Fears

We called in cold today. Highs under 68 of the Fahrenheit variety frighten us to our very core. With Halloween approaching we thought we'd share some other nightmares we'd hope to never wake up to:

1. Tejano music coming from a slow moving Chevrolet
The Medusa Stare. All we remember is a discolored tan hoopty broadcasting Serena and then paralysis.

2. Pools of milky water
How did milk get in the street? Wait...that's not milk. Terror.

3. SkyNet
We were babysat by the Terminator films, which is why we refuse to be fooled by the toaster's color coding for light brown English muffins.

"It has a popcorn button, but...how does it know?!"

4. Sandwiches from the gas station
The package is foggy. Does chicken salad have green specks in it? We don't know. We've always run from green specks, like we're doing right now.

5. Stafford, TX
Plunging property values and retention ponds score bigger on our Vertigo Index than high altitude skydiving or mercury milkshakes.

6. Helen Hunt
No explanation needed.

7. The old naked guy in the locker room

He's got his hands proudly on his hips and swinging a mess of genetailia that looks like an angry Ernest Hemingway.

Intimidatingly regal, but has many a dark tale to share.