Friday, April 30, 2010


We slacked on our postings for a loooong, long time. Truth is, DB was in a coma from straining to play guitar using nothing but his cock. BB was in county for robbing a Licka Stoe. It took several months to convince the stoopid pigs that we own the Licka Stoe. EW had a six month internship as a gaffer with Vivid Video. Your own DS just returned from a peyote-infused vision quest in the remote jungles of Ecuador. And CV -- hell, no one's actually seen CV in six years. We just hear the war stories from the Washington Shore. "Did you see Carlos at Brixx last night? Mad mutha was going CRA-AAAZZZY."

But these are not excuses, and we acknowledge our sin. Even the Lords are not above the law -- well, except for Jude Law, obviously. We're above that shit sandwich like the frank's above the beans. But we're not above Man Law, and for our pennance, we are lifting our normal shroud of secrecy to share ten heretofore little-known facts about the Lords with our loyal Loopizens. This shit is explosive; please be discreet.

10. Bleach dies every night in his sleep. But he is always reincarnated as himself, only slightly better looking.
9. Diesel once bested a pack of West U collarpoppers using nothing but a hippie mind trick.
8. The water in Dick's pool is collected from the tears of baby unicorns. It heals what ails you, and increases penis size.
7. Ed has not eaten since 2005. He is nourished by the respect of men and the adoration of women.
6. Carlos bedded an entire pride of Palm Beach cougars in a single night. Those "ladies" still gather once a year to commemorate the last good rogering they ever will know.
5. Every Lord received more than 100,000 write-in votes for President in 2008.
4. When Diesel plays Monopoly, he never ever goes to jail.
3. OJ Simpson lives in Bleach's guest room. We call him Kato.
2. When Ed frowns, an earthquake happens. But every time he smiles, a kitten is born.
1. The Lords love things with seashells and seahorses on them, like blankets, and towels, and little bags.

Seahorses. Forever.

1 comment:

Ed Wrath said...

No. 2 is a vicious cycle. Let the spring rumpus commence.