Wisconsin: America's Frozen Yogurt

Your humbled Lords have accepted the honor of being blue ribbon speakers on the 13th Annual FYLA! Tour, Wisconsin Chapter. FYLA (Fuck You Looking At!) is a group of men dedicated to fighting against the Pussification of America's youth. Through a focused campaign of meatheadery, we aim to eliminate the four C's responsible for this sweeping epidemic of pusillanimity:

Chivalry Consideration Comprehension Charity

We've been asked to make several stops at local high schools along the I94 corridor. Our crusade begins in Wisconsin, which as evidence shows, is by far the faggyest looking state in the fucking Union.

Illinois is its cone.

If you need us we'll be at Madison West H.S. later this morning where we've planned a spirited program. Basically we chain lock the auditorium doors, gun 25 gallons of Whiskey into the crowd of students, tape cash bundles and gram heavy eightballs to all blindfolded male teachers, flip off the lights and let the kids sautée in loop of Danzig's "Mother" for about 35 minutes.

We can't imagine anything as motivating as a half hour of uninterrupted Danzig.

Make the world a better place, punch your principal in his fucking face. As we spread that special closefisted brand of Houston belligerence to those who really need it, you lucky bastards have a great week in the world's best city.

Uh, now what y'all know bout them Texas boys
Comin' down in candied toys, smokin' weed and talkin' noise
-UGK