Bedford Big Hits

Last weekend the Lords cocked their 9's and headed into the Heights for a b-day bash Bedford style to honor a special lady friend. The duck ravioli, lemon crab rissotto, and hand-rolled sushi was better than a Czech massage parlor. Although we were craving something off the 99 cent menu and a butterflied Nathan's hotdog, we settled on the lamb osso bucca that melted off the bone like panties falling off the ladies at the Filthy Swan. Our waiter was as straight as a jelly fish in a washing machine, but the laughs were good all around. He even managed to serve us chocolate on a stick and flash-fried us back to TX/OU weekend - which is never a bad thing, provided Chris Simms isn't the starting quarterback. Loopdudes: Be sure not to miss the Dyson Blade hand dryer in the restroom de muchachos. It's the Bentley of hand drying machines and powerful enough to jump start an Obamatacular economy. With Egyptian soft hands, fiberglass smooth fingernails, and full tummies we levitated our way over to the Dirty Swan for some Katy Perry bubble gum rock and a dance floor of cosmic chaos. Life doesn't get any better inside, well, just outside the Loop.

BleachBrown will follow up with a few later, but here are a few to wet your palate:

High/Low lights -

A gallon of chunk in the first urinal. Not a drop on the floor. Damn, we respect projectile aiming skillz like that.

Lots of Asians. It was like Korea in a box of mirrors.

BleachBrown pushing E.Wrath into the largest Persian woman we've ever seen. She made Gina Davis look diminutive

Diesel Burnes being propositioned to trade his floral-print shirt in exchange for a pirated copy of Rad on DVD.

Send me an Angel.

BleachBrown encouraging E.Wrath to continue to slobber all over the hot chick on a date with the 2L from South Texas School of Blow.

And finally...Ridge Manners stepping out in a baby blue seer sucker suit. The Dos Equis Guy and the Warren Commission would be proud.

Stay thirsty my friends and dry your hands with care.