Product Endorsement - It's ProCaulk Time!

Our first reaction was that this was the newfangled Viagra. Like an upgrade from 5-Hour Energy to 6. Is this the next best thing to mix with our Red Bull for a night of hiding the tool in the shed in the ladies' restroom at Komodos? We thought so. Unfortunately, no such extraordinary results were achieved. We were reduced to staring down a blossoming yet mysterious dental student on holiday from that D-bag town to our due north until she noticed our new thumb ring. We had paired it perfectly with a new Affliction tee and an Ed Hardy ball cap. How could she resist the synergies of these bitch magnets? It. Is. Not. Possible.

Taunt me and I will caulk you down with the momentum of a Thundercat on speed.

Anyway, of course we ended up plowing her, but not at Komodos. We had made our way over to Union Bar after the VIP herd pen shrunk down to a rousing conversation between two bouncers over who was going to clean up the John. Too bad for them, she made me go number three all over her back and half of the counter top too. Thanks again, Umbria. WHAT? That's a real name! We had confirmation from a real driver's license. Shut your holes, you envious pork swords.

So off to Little Bigs we went to cram our wasted faces with mini-midnight snacks. We woke up the next morning with new friends. Not a smoldering student of cavities, but French gout and a stank cock. No problem though, rub a little ProCaulk on it and it all fades away.

We rate this product five healthy whore-pipes out five!