Monday, November 3, 2008

Growing Pains

As I turn another year older on this festive Dia de los Muertos, I’d like to take a moment to reminisce on my childhood and recall some of things that used to fill the days of my adolescence not so long ago. Although conceived in the seventies and born into disco, it was the 80s that shaped my inner core making me who I am today.

To give you a glimpse into my supple soul, I give you the ingredients that flow through my body and make up the better part of who I am today. We start with a cup of Tennessee and add a barrel of Texas. After bringing this mixture to a slow boil you add the following to create what we know as Edward Wrath the Only:

My first album – received on my 8th birthday.
Everybody wants to rule the world - Especially me with my kick-ass jambox.

I had ‘em. You did too. We were the S-H-I-T. At least on our backyard basketball court of dreams…

This stuff was actually banned in several south-east Asian communist countries.

It's the stuff dreams are made of.

War is peace. What is the equivalent today? Pok-e-mon? WTF? Team America, Fuck yeah!

I actually had these confiscated by my 2nd grade teacher. And on to baseball cards it was. The ‘rents would rather have me worship a bunch of alcoholic, tobacco-chewing spitters than a few obnoxiously-grotesque cartoons. Go figure.

A duck that has so much money he can swim in it. Does it get any better than this?

I pity the fool who didn’t eat this cereal.

I still don’t understand why Obama never involved these three in his campaign to cross racial barriers.

I may be a little stale these days. My body makes a few more creaks and groans than usual, but put me in the microwave, warm me up and I typically thaw out pretty well. And remember, life will always taste just as yummy, so long as you never forget your (ginger) roots - especially the ones with FDA-approved perservatives from the best decade man has ever known.

Associate Junior Member of AARP and Product of the 80s

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