Friday, December 12, 2008

Andre Ware Rookie Cards - $0.20 and Dropping

The 1989 Heisman Trophy winner and Cougar High product can be heard each morning on AM610, partnering up awkwardly with the voice of the Houston Texas, Marc Vaginapussy. These two clowns wax poorly about Houston sports all morning with a subtle disdain for their callers and nothing original to say.

We have a particular distaste for Andre's biased takes on our Longhorns, so if you're wondering what to get us for Xmas this year, look no further.
Sometimes $0.25 is a little too pricey.

You can buy it for us here.

We'd buy it for ourselves but we're saving that money for a gum ball at the grocery store.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Buddy Guy at the House of Blues

Several Lords were seen sipping cool beer from plastic bottles at the House of Blues last Friday night. All 72 years of Buddy Guy graced the joint and was kind enough to throw heavy buckets of hot magic into a packed house.

We've never seen an inanimate object personified the way Guy makes his guitar come alive. Well maybe this.

The music was therapeutic as if we just visited Niagara Falls or a got fired from our job we hate. We left there feeling small in our own accomplishments but hopeful at possibilities of acheivement.

His music fills our empty glass with wonder. It also sublimes faces into a gaseous cloud of suffocating excellence.

We were quite impressed with the House of Blues in general. Though we didn't go upstairs, the balcony looked like a pretty dope situation. Also, getting alcohol (while $7/MGD) was no problem, as we swung several a dead cat and hit many bars and unappreciative patrons. If you have the chance, check it out.

(HT: D Byrnes)

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Dear Sunny 99.1

Dear Sunny 99.1,

First off, we applaud your monumental strides at maintaining the status of Houston radio's pink retarded baby koala. Forced, by the mongrels who work amongst us, to listen to your trite pop selections at work we have no complaints; sometimes you even drop an unannounced Chris Isaak* buzz-saw on us and it takes all our strength not to roll around on the office floor in a crude display of jubilance. Occasionally, when its A Morning in Studio with Dido, we contemplate drowning desk radios in broken urinals, but for the most part, we okay.

There is something troubling us today though:

Christmas Conga by Cyndi Lauper
Last Christmas by Wham!**
Merry Christmas with Love by Clay Aiken
White Christmas by Michael Bolton
8 Days of Christmas by Destiny's Child
This One's for the Children by The New Kids on the Block

All in one hour? Surely not. Do you have any broken glass we can eat to get this taste out of our mouths? Perhaps something dull and hard to ram with extreme prejudice into our tender thoraxes.

Its only the 4th and Julio Inglesias has raspingly wished us a panty dropping Feliz Navidad 20 times. Elvis, Boyz II Men and The New Kids recorded seasonal songs to exclusively pay for prostitutes, barbiturates and suede suits during the negative slope of their respective careers. Not really gifts the Three Wise Men toted.

Besides, encouraging Harry Connick Jr. only makes him seem more human and, trust us, this will be trouble in the long run.
We'll be the first to say it: HC2 is the definitely a seed of the Serpent. You see talent behind that thoughtless gaze. We only see monsterous wrath in those bangs.

We can only assume the Sunny studio is just a pale virgin named Tyler broadcasting from his sister's basement, so we're not pretending this letter will end up on the COO's desk at Cox. We'd just be neglegent if we didn't point out that Sunny is contaminating Houston with stronger pollutants than Dow Chemical.

Best Wishes,


*In 1990 we wrote a doctoral thesis entitled "Influences of Sea-level Rise on Tidal Inlets caused by the Wicked Game Video."

**Anything recorded by the group Wham! gets a pass on this website, due in part to the fact that "Careless Whisper" once saved our lives. A story we will never share, but haunts our every breath.