Friday, July 24, 2009

Friday's Complaints

It's been a cactus enema of a week. Once the unchecked sheriffs of business mining through fruit-heavy profit orchards, our occupations are now a fish head potpourri which includes some East Texas ditch making when we're not acting as our boss's boss's leathery, corporate dildo holster.

The displaced anger we feel over our recent joblynching descends upon this city as we have a standing weekly meeting with the foam arm of consumer justice that is Houston's BBB. Today's complaints include:

- A goblin that looks like Kathy Bates after a car accident works bar at Cahill's on Saturdays noontime. Someone please exercise her.

- With the addition of Block 7, there are now more wine bars than churches in Gomorrah... err...Houston. We sip our Cakebread calmly awaiting brimstone.
...brimstone and fire from the Lord[s] out of heaven... (Genesis 19:24-25)

- The moneytaker at Splash Hand Car Wash on Shep called us "bro" 5 times in under two minutes. We believe this to be a bit excessive as we were not purchasing marijuana from him on this occasion.

- There is a black hole at Roeder's Pub which only effects heterosexual woman.

Have a Motherfucking Looptaculous Friday!


hedrives said...

Kev, the DB-in-charge at Splash, is the man. He knows every cool handshake, never stands in line at the hip clubs, has all the hot babes dripping in lust and works out with all the baddest athletes.

Don't believe me? Just ask him.

ghettopilot said...

Perusing some of your older posts, I just realized you guys are UT fans. Which means you suck. I didn't go to any big state school, but am smart enough to realize that all UT fans are jackasses. Yeah, I painted it with a broad brush. The next time I smash into a car with a Texas Ex Lifetime Member license plate frame, chrome longhorn fender medallion and a rainbow of 100 Club stickers on the back window, I'll be thinking of you.

Katie said...

I'd like to know what happened to ghettopilot - seriously? Are you sure you're not just an Aggie?

Anonymous said...

Let me get this straight, you read the blog and even go back to archived posts to see older material and then (attempt) to take a shot at the Lords? Clearly, you are a bitter aggy working at Potbelly. Case closed.

And...don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Bleach Brown said...

He- Yeah, we know bra.

Pilot - Thank you, your ignorance and envy fuels us. Keep the hate.

KT - Aggies can't write words.

Anon - Post your handle if you want to "interact"

ghettopilot said...

I'm not an Aggie. They suck, too. But not as hard as UT fans. Now – go back to Pearl Bar or Max's Tool Box and keep your pie-hole shut.

Ed Wrath said...

Just remember GP, you are here to serve us. We are the Lords, you are a peasant. We are not just Horns, we are Hoyas and John Harvards. Apparently your University of Phoenix degree hasn't taught you anything.

ghettopilot said...

But don't you realize that any association with UT automatically renders your self-ordained cool factor null and void? I'm trying to help you.

Ed Wrath said...

I still don't think YOU'RE getting it. We make the rules. You follow. And nothing here is self-ordained. Our power is divine.