Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Wednesday To Dos

Mondays are the infant-cooking bandersnatches that poke at our joysockets and taunt wrinkled slacks. We reserve Tuesdays for a jelly bean assortmant of stolen pilldrugs and general mid to high cap shoplifting. On Wednesdays we work. Don't believe, mira...
To Dos (5/11)
- Two Sunrise breakfast taquitos and a med vanilla hazelnut coffee
- Call on a large healthcare account, listen to complaints about delivery/quality/attitude, pledge change/resolution/brimstone, take no actions
- Construct strategy to derail the May 21st occurings at Verizon Wireless Pampatheatre
"Hello critical mechanical failures, we'd like you to Meet Virginia."
- Draft dangerously threatening pay raise demand letter to boss, sign marketing horseface's name, stamp, mail
- 11:00 appointment with Gerri at Wachovia
a) apply for loan to market and manufacture our new product: The Odor Eracist*
b) don't mention her 6th digit and cleft tongue
c) DS to lather on the sexual charm if denied
- Remove hubcap outside nearby magnet school, replace with palm frons
- Murder Bowl at BRC, two IPAs, no tip
- Nap like a sweet kitten
- Finish thesis entitled: The Relevance of Synthesized Xylophinic Melody in a post Billy Ocean Musical Landscape
- Pick-up ketchup bottle at Randalls on Shep, pull fire alarm, tell manager that little brother is still inside/missing, leave
- Try on blue dial, gold Submariner at Deutsch & Deustch, lord over the cunty sales goon by pretending to be filthy, hairchested Greek yachting tycoon, attempt purchase with Chevron card

Former first lady not included

- Put a cool bill on the 'Stros to beat the Retardinals (+245)
- Spend remaining afternoon squeezing aliquots of ketchup into various vending coin returns ITL, The Exact Change Bandit Lives Motherfuckers!
- Meet at Kay's or Branchwater or Kenneally's, torpedo senses with Scotch, lose keys, mock guy in khaki shorts & docksiders, find keys, swear revenge on Tommy Manzella, punch someone undeserving, sleep with foot on brake.

*Patent Pending


Anonymous said...

Train is God's punishment for stem cells.

Harms said...

Note: Hazelnut creamer will make your pee smell like Cheerios!

Paul Brown said...

I've seen this watch in person.