Thursday, September 18, 2008

Classy Pawn

ClassyPawn is your Houston area buyer of all things classy. During this climate of economic instability, ClassyPawn specializes in paying you straight Franklins for your family heirlooms and upscale merchandise of all kinds.

Did you leverage equity and invest heavy in the American automobile industry?
Pending corporate fraud suit got you buying tickets to Venezuela?
Is the IRS about to seize that impressive vault of '72 Clos du Val?

Our certified professionals know a good vintage and we aren't afraid to replace your collection of chocolate undertones with untraceable bolivares fuertes.
Because there's no Chateau Margaux for inmate no. 41604-018 at the Federal Prison Camp in Pensacola, FL.

Is your wife coming back from her hen trips relaxed and covered in someone else's bronzer?
Does she smell like sweat and Aqua Velva after late business dinners?
Does she call you Todd when your name is Henry?

Bring that cheating bitch's shit on down to ClassyPawn where we will pay you ten cents on the dollar for slightly used, high end woman's apparel and accessories. Escada, Fendi, Gucci, D&G, St. John's, watches, shoes, purses, bring in all and let us decide which pantsuit you just burn.

She'll be wearing clothes from K-Mart and sleeping on her lover's futon while you're in Vegas sliding the cash from her mother's engagement ring into friendly G-strings.


ClassyPawn now barters in HUMAN ORGANS!
Did the Lebanese peasant-kidney turn out to be bovine?
Did you wake up with a tummy ache in a Los Cabos bathtub full of ice?
Not happy with you current retinas?

ClassyPawn will turn that low mileage '71 Daytona into a shiny, chilled liver. At ClassyPawn we guarantee the finest Christian organs you can find north of the Amazon.

How good do we think our supply of organs are? Well, we'll bet your life on it. Free delivery.

You can't put a price on three more years of kidney function, but ClassyPawn can!

Look for our new location on W. Alabama next to The Tasting Room and Fleming's for your classypawning convenience.

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