Thursday, June 25, 2009

Dean's Credit Clothing, The Sequel

315 Fairview Street

We strolled into Dean's at 5:30 on a Friday, heady with anticipation for the happy hour to come and the FOBs that we hoped would come with it.* Or maybe we were just heady from the fumes in the air. Paint fumes, to be precise. We imagine the conversation thusly:

"Why is no one here?"

"It can't be the monotonous post-industrial space and uncomfortable minimalist furniture."

"It surely can't be our beers that are only two degrees shy of a Nick Lachey boy band."

"Maybe it's the color of the walls."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

(In unison) "BABYSHIT BROWN!!!!"

What really made these fudgesicle facades stand out, however, were the price tags for art that wasn't there. We can only assume that these were offers to BUY art in a desperate attempt to mask the terrifying ugliness of the walls. Offer accepted. Our newest piece, Goat Penis Fandango, will be delivered shortly. You're welcome.


Listen, we'll take our drink anywhere. Greyhound bus terminal? Check. Playground at River Oaks Elementary? Check. Fortified wine under the Pierce Elevated? Double check. But this is precisely why we don't quite get the existence of Dean's second locale. At least the original is actually in an old clothing store, which imparts some playful kitsch, if not some retro authenticity. The deuce is just a shitty bar serving warm beer in a useless location. Skip it, and meet us in the parking lot of the Chuck E Cheese on Weslayan. We'll be there at 3. You bring the Boones.

* If you need to ask, you're not ready to know.


Diesel Burnes said...

Nothing like sharing a piss-warm bottle of Strawberry Hill with a third grader who has more in his trust fund than we'll make in two lifetimes.

Bleach Brown said...

Sequels are about as good of an idea as spiking the punch at a baby shower.

WMC Hammer said...

I once had a good time with a semi-drunk girl I met at a baby shower.

Harms said...

I have been kicked out of Chuck E Cheese for being drunk but not before I stole some kids cup-o-tokens. Hopefully I can make a trade for some Boones.

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