"Next," the weathered old archfiend of a woman shrieked like a Vietnamese prison camp warden to the emaciated lunch heathens in line before her. A quick snap of the neck may be your only hope. Exact change is your only defense. Downtown drones have come to know this heathen and dictator of the food court simply as the "Dumpling Lady." She's Houston's very own Soup Nazi.
Mouth-watering bliss awaits you in hell. Caution, they've never taken out the garbage.
A mouth like a fly trap and a toxic uzi-like gaze. The Dumpling Lady, as many of us affectionately refer to her, is a cross between a rusty lawmower blade and Ginghis Khan's liver. Some wish they had been warned. The Park Shops is her lair. Most recently her empire has expanded much like the Mongols plundered old China. Thoughts of her venomous stare and threats of stir frying our spine are enough to make use clench our jaws in fear and crush our molars into Pixie Straw dust. Nevertheless, brave souls risk their very beings each day to consume the best dumplings Houston has to offer at Doozo.
Which Houstonians do you fear the most and would not face without a Honzo in tow?Dream to dare and wager your life to dine; however, we'd rather be on the front lines in Afghanistan than look her in the eye. In our opinion, Chik-fil-a will do just fine.
Which Houstonians do you fear the most and would not face without a Honzo in tow?
14 comments:
You actually eat in a fucking food court in a tunnel? That's a 5 point penalty on your ITL Cool Card.
You drive a fucking Corvette. At least we have points to lose.
I bet that guy wears deck shoes too
Clearly, hedrives is not cool enough to have ever tried the Dumpling Lady's dumplings. One can only assume he either works OTL, which is inherently uncool, or lunches at jabroni-filled Midtown establishments like Cyclone Anayas or Farrago. Either way, hedrives, you have nothing on Ed Wrath.
1. The Park Shops are not in the tunnels. Learn your Loopography. 2. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds. There are hidden treasures in all parts of the Loop, and a refusal to explore them in service to some inflexible notion of cool is evidence only of a lack thereof (and perhaps also a lack of self-confidence that one must assume is related to penis size, which definitely explains the Corvette). F-minus.
_laughing_ you guys really are funny. For your info, been ITL since 1966, bitches. No goddamn deck shoes, matter of fact... I enjoyed your take on that fashion miscue. Park Shops? Just listen when you say those works slowy. You eat in the Park Shops. Hehe, that is about as cool as eating rinkside at the Galleria. As for driving the Chevrolet... that in itself takes guts. Gotta drive something, at least its American.
"as cool as eating rinkside at the Galleria" just accidentally discharged into our pun gland.
Kudos sir.
Well said, Dick Swisher. I knew I liked you.
Corvette > BMW 3 series (aka the Honda Civic of junior associates)
Please, please... This hedrives (she eats? original) is a humanitarian of sorts... His picture is so small so we dont have to look at his ugliness and purely that car is much prettier than he. please...
oh, but can this guy be officially considered an enemy of the kingdom?
Sorry, but no true enemy could birth "as cool as eating rinkside at the Galleria", could they?
I'll fuckin eat rinkside at the galleria...Then I'll go up to the secret makeout spot (est.1986) by the basketball court on the roof and cop a feel... ENEMY.. Unless that is what you meant nvm.
Post a Comment