Wednesday, May 6, 2009

E. Wrath's Revenge

Kids - it's been too long. E.Wrath was unexpectedly seconded to support Blackwater in an attempted coup of Somalia's Transitional Federal Government, but a lack of rations and a case of the Black Pearl cut the mission short. Let's give a quick run down of some of the things he's encountered since returning to the Loop.

A Botswanan attempted to steal his X5 while valeting at Escalante's but mistakenly forgot that the steering wheel is on the other side in America. She didn't get very far.

Lars, a salesman from Kuhl-Linscomb, attempted to entice Mr.Wrath this week into purchasing a sectional priced just north of $16,000. E.Wrath's response: "Does it give blow jobs?"

D.Swisher recently accompanied E.Wrath to a local dive bar favorite known as Dirt Bar a/k/a 222. The bartenders serve shots of gravel and punch you in your man meat if you even think about order something with a flavor-infused vodka. If Vince Neil circa 1986 were molded into the shape of a bar, it would look like this:


While getting his neck trim and crotch shave at Sports Clips yesterday, a stylist told E.Wrath he looked like Jamie Kennedy. He's now on suicide watch.

Although recently betrothed to one of the small plates at Catalan, E.Wrath had to unfortunately call off the wedding for failure for the parties to agree to all the terms in the prenuptial agreement. The main point of contention was obviously the inability to provide adequate cuddling after the weekly scheduled sexual forays. E.Wrath, that is. He will learn soon enough that a hug is just a handshake from the heart.

You thought Somalia was bad? We saw these guys in the back room of Dirt Bar drinking regular Budweiser.


1 comment:

Bleach Brown said...

Dirt bar sells the best black tar H. Truthfully any BTH is the best.