Wednesday, May 27, 2009

It's Where You Died Last Night

The Manor on Washington
4819 Washington Ave, Houston, TX 77007 (713) 426-0123

Had we stuffed our liquor scarred epiglotti with ranch pounds of freshly picked Crockett, TX shroomberries, our creative upchuck of velvet horror would only half decorate a train lavatory compared to the Omega force which belligerently spewed checkerboard seizures and partially digested Gummi Bear shimmer into this former car wash.

The Manor at Washington and the hideous faces within its dark walls and snappy patio amplify the sins of its hostile, vanestruck barstaff and blind Moroccan interior designer. Upon entrance you're subject to charm rapists serving up below average cocktails in a room ripe with 70's pornset dumpster furnishings and dyed camel pelt wallpaper. The Manor succeeds in its aim to scrub mouths (and lives) of taste vigorously with a cold wire brush whilst being firmly handled by faceless patrons and an eyeborn typhoid of Off 5th discounted euroflash.
of the eyes...and this is not a game.

Sadly, we live within urineshot of this sense assaulting Arcadia which only manages to pour boiling mineral spirits over our rage inferno, since stains like this one lay the shredded newspaper down for more saloon miscreants to breed, feed and toilet in our fragile neighborhood.

Our rating system today is based on Time's list of the 100 Worst Ideas so we're forced to slot The Manor on Washington somewhere betwixt those pioneering entrepreneurs who founded the Heaven's Gate cult and the public announcement: "in left field, batting 6th: Michael Jordan."


Ed Wrath said...

Looking at their decor was the equivalent of having someone pry open your eyelids with BBQ tongs in direct sunlight.

Frank said...

It seems like you subtly like the Manor. Any Truth?

Diesel Burnes said...

I'm in awe...