Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Colt McCoy - The Man, The Myth

There’s no denying the admiration we Lords have for Mr. McCoy, but we are going to try and personify the innate power overflowing out this unhuman beast we know as Colt-45. Put simply, he makes the impossible a given. Some may have heard of these myths, but we’ll try and recount a few for your reading blog pleasure:

(1) Colt devised the Dewey decimal system while eating a fruit roll-up in 2nd grade;

(2) Those scenes from the Matrix that you thought were CGI - that was actually Colt captured on camera in slow motion;

(3) The Members Only jacket was custom made for Colt. He is the only member;

Original design was "Stud's Only"
(4) There’s air, fire, earth and water, then there’s the fifth element, COLT;

(5) Colt went back to the future traveling at 88 miles-per-hour while carrying Marty and Doc on his back and pulling the broken-down Delorean.

(6) Every Cracker Jacks box that Colt opens has two prizes;

(7) Colt rescued baby Jessica from the well in Midland;

(8) You can’t ask Colt a knock-knock joke, because he always knows who’s there;

(9) Colt speaks seven languages, in tongues. Colt's Dad served on then governor George W. Bush’s security detail. His Dad has also played golf with Ben Crenshaw, twice. And Colt converted the entire nation of Peru to Coltism, I mean Christianity, by waving from a taxi on cross-city trip through Lima.; and

(10) The Eurythmics were dead wrong - sweet dreams are made of Colt.

'Colt had just another unbelievable performance. I've never seen anything like this.' — God on QB Colt McCoy

We have no doubt that the above-mentioned experiences and intangibles will push the Horns over the top this weekend in Lubbock to triumph over the Dread Pirate Leach. “As you wish,” Colt always says to the begging Longhorn fans requesting a decisive victory.

Lords of the Loop prediction for the weekend: PAIN!


E. Wrath, Second Lieutenant of LOTL

1 comment:

Bleach Brown said...

Ever the negotiator, Colt doesn't throw passes, he has the football sign a blood contract agreeing to reach Jordan Shipley supersonically or be buried next to a picture of Sam Bradford kissing his sister on the mouth.