Thursday, October 16, 2008

None of the Above!

As we inch closer to the inevitable presidential election in the first week of November and we cull through the myriad of heart-felt hollow promises the desperate candidates offer to the people of America. Will we be looking toward a more preferable path as we begin the New Year? We at the Loop have no political affiliation. No affection for one candidate in particular. The only thing a presidential election is really good for is to oust the refuse from the ivory house on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Like you, we’re not sure if it’s better to cast our ballot for a terrorist-loving megalomaniac who may not have even been born on U.S. soil or an octogenarian that has spent more time in a Vietnamese-torture camp than he has in front of a computer. Then of course, there’s also the 74% chance that Frankencain will drop dead within the first 45 second after one of the Whitehouse interns slips a Viagra tablet into his morning Mochachino to consider.

Before we know it, we'll be dealing with a Vice President succeeding to office with about as much foreign policy as a greenhorn from Deadliest Catch. Yes, we know you can see Russia from your backyard, but could you imagine what the U.N Security Counsel would do to a former Ms. America behind closed doors? Not to worry. If for some reason another tragedy should befall the country and Ms. Palin was misplaced, the Elephants already have a back-up plan, so we doubt you’d even notice that the Alaskan was missing. Ever seen the movie Dave with Kevin Klein? Let me give you a hint, this movie is the “contingency plan”. For a glimpse into what is potentially forthcoming please see below:

Thank God for closed captioning.

In sum, when you think about pulling that lever on the first Tuesday of November let us recommend the wise advice Montgomery Brewster offered us in the 80s cult-classic, Brewster’s Millions:

Cheers to adding another trillion dollars of debt over the next four years and to hoping the next invasion target is Canada!

Got oil, eh?

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