Monday, February 9, 2009

Little BIGS

No this isn't the name of our testicles. It's the newest orphaned son vomited out by the owners of Reef, the purported number one ranked seafood restaurant in the country by Bon Appétit magazine. I don't give that ranking any credit because this is the same magazine that showered Chipotle with praise. The only thing I've come away from that establishment with is a case of tongue shingles and an agitated colon that felt like it was polished by the Department of Asphalt.

Nevertheless, the one bright spot of Reef has always been its slider burgers so we were excited to learn that the new joint would focus solely on that. These tiny bites of heaven are so tasty King Leonidas actually considered turning over Sparta to Xerxes for a trio. What's a trio, you ask? It's an order of three sliders. You can choose from mushroom, burger, or chicken, and mix and match as you please. Burger is our staple, but don't be afraid to gravitate toward the chicken one's with a helping of LB’s special sauce. No, not that kind. Get your freakin' mind out of the gutter. The mushroom sliders are coated in molten-lava cheese and then flash fried. The only thing better in this world would be Paul Walker's under-age girlfriend glazed in Gruyère.

Hey man, there's nothing wrong with under-aged chicas

Then there's The Dude. It's a miraculous milkshake libation aptly named after a character from The Big Lebowski. This tundra of creamy communism, also known as a Frozen White Russian, promises not to disappoint. It even has Vladmir Putin's stamp of marxist approval. He'd make it a part of the daily food rations for the peckish peasants of Mother Russia, but then he wouldn't have any more funds to blackmail the Kazakhstan Prime Minister. And if you ask nicely, they'll even let you take the adult beverages to go. We're sure this practice won't last long since this is Texas, not the backwoods of Thibodeaux, Louisiana, so take advantage while you can!

Dude, we hope to see you there during your next late night meal. After all, Little Bigs is open till three on the weekends, so there's no need to sit in line at Whataburger for taquitos unless you truly believe you actually have a shot at a hand job from that first year corporate associate. Her hands should be nice and smooth because she's billed only 12 hours this month and been lubricating them with Jergen's all week to stay busy while the economy melts down right before her very own eyes. FYI, there’s no drive-thru at LB’s so we won't hold it against you, because after all, that is one of the few valid excuses worth missing out on these divine bite-size sandwiches off of Montrose.

We rate this place four sloppy-smooth-associate handjobs, out of five.

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