Monday, April 6, 2009

Astronots: The Geritol Season

Nothing like the smell of a baseball stadium. Especially one with Aspicream and Depends spewing out of the home team's dugout.

Houston: this is your team.

Aside from Hunter Pence, who is actually poised (real journalist term...sorry) for a breakout season, and promising bust Michael Bourn, the best D-Mac and Ed Wade have to build on are Berkman, Lee and Oswalt who are each on the backside of their respective primes.

The last person to have such a breakout year is current/former 'Stro Mike Hampton. Anytime you have to refer to to the great year someone on your team had and it begins with "19", you best recognize you ain't got a paddle and your sitting in Shit Creek. Fortunatley, Mike figured we should witness both his best seasons and what are likely to be his worst.

The rest of the Nots (procede only if your stomach is made from recycled battleship):

Ivan Rodriguez - he probably ain't got the IQ of Brad Ausmus (few do) but he need only strain lightly to have more stick. At the very least, it's nice to have yet another likely HoF'er.

Kazuo Matsui - if he can keep his ass on the field instead of medical donuts we might actually get to see him play more than twice and, who knows, maybe he doesn't suck.

Tejada - fuck it, Miggy, we don't care if you juice your ass to kingdom come and tell Congress you mistook it for viagra, just play like you deserve $13 million.

Geoff Blum/Jeff Keppinger - Ho. Ly. Shit. This is who you give us Ed Wade? God bless and be with the Boone family, but it's not like we were looking that great at 3rd to begin with. The best our front office could do is couple Blum, who is worth his stick to have available as a lefty, with the sluffed off skin of the Reds?

Darren Erstad - I might be the only one with a Fathead of him on my ceiling. If we had an organization that put it's best players on the field every day, he'd be playing. Whatever his shortcomings, I'm not touching them because I don't like eating bats or washing balls, which I'm sure is what he'll have me do if he reads this as the guy plays with the intensity of a ferral pimp.

Pitching Staff: Oswalt - solid (actually due for a bad year and/or injury); Magic Wandy - God doesn't even know how he'll do; Hampton - already noted; Moehler - fresh of his career year of 11-8, 4.56'm sure the opposition is shaking out of their leggings; Ortiz - see Hampton.

Pen: repeating the success of last year's season in the pen will be tough, but we actually have one of the best bullpen's in the league.

The bottom line: Things could be a whole lot worse and there is a lot of reason for optimism. We have a great bullpen, several potential members of the Hall, three starters who have had 20-win seasons, maybe the best closer in the league, and Doug Brocail who will eat the other team's rotation in last resort desperation. A healthy team will be a successful team. But more than anything, this is OUR team. So get out your foam fingers, crack a beer, and root for your 'Stros.

1 comment:

Bleach Brown said...

Corbin Bernsen is a dick!