Wednesday, April 22, 2009

In the News: Headline Check

While we'd rather be spooning with the dog and desperately trying to get back to the sex dream that comes more infrequently as the years pile on, we have an unfortunate "responsible streak" in us that forces conciousness and a drive to investigate the world around us.

Some of today's HoChro headlines...

1. M.D. Anderson officials say they may begin fireing, er, laying off, people next month. What a bunch of johnny-come-lately's. Fortune 500's down to mom-and-pop's have been laying off folks for nearly a year. Where the hell have you been M.D. Anderson? You think you can wait until the recession is waning and then ruin a few thousand lives? Bet you want a bail-out too, huh? While the medical district sits on the verge of collapse we know we can count on our thriving energy sector.

2. The Texas Senate sends $500 million solar energy bill to the House. To celebrate the passage through their part of the legislature Michael Jackson will sing an altered version of This One's for the Children via satellite from Venus called "This One's for the Hippies". While we're all for solar power and green shit, we're more for informing the state governmet that if $500 MM isn't enough to keep Freddie Mac afloat or it's employees alive it's not likely to jump start a new segment in a nationally embedded market. In a related story, Shell announced that it will begin layoffs in 100-200 years.

3. A body was found on fire in the streets of Tijuana. You don't say. Al Qaeda won't even go to Tijuana. Yet this is newsworthy in the 4th largest market in the country?

4. Guns are a comparable investment to gold and land. At least that's what this gun sto' owner believes. Has it really been a secret that long? The media, local and national, has been amazed with the uptick in gun sales since Prez-O indicated he is scared of them and the market went to shit. We thought everyone knew that the best time to shoot the fuck out of everything in sight was during a recession....

Happy Humpday bitches! Now go get your contribution-to-society on!

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